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Lovely manners
Nov. 7th, 2012 04:08 pmI do not have lovely manners.
I'm not horribly rude. My normal social affect falls in that vast middle where most people live: polite enough. I'll hold the door for you if I notice. I don't talk with my mouth full (although I do sometimes talk with some food in my mouth; as my older stepdaughter once pointed out, the social skill that adults are trying to teach children when they tell them not to talk with food in their mouths is the ability to keep from spitting food all over the place or otherwise horrifying their dining companions). I sometimes send thank-you notes. I always thank my hosts if I can find them at the end of a social event. I don't discuss religion or politics when I'm visiting relatives or attending church. I don't usually insult you in your hearing. I used to say that I don't insult people by accident, but I've long since learned that I am not sophisticated enough to make that claim, nor mean enough to want to insult people on purpose most of the time.
Good manners are a formalized way to be kind to people in general. They won't always work; you won't know what strangers would prefer you to do. They work well enough, often enough. Good manners wielded in bad faith by an expert can also be used as vicious and subtle weapons, but I don't aspire to that degree of expertise.
And why am I mediating on good manners today? It's because Mitt Romney's concession speech last night displayed lovely manners. It reminded me of George H. W. Bush's concession speech in 1992.
I'm not horribly rude. My normal social affect falls in that vast middle where most people live: polite enough. I'll hold the door for you if I notice. I don't talk with my mouth full (although I do sometimes talk with some food in my mouth; as my older stepdaughter once pointed out, the social skill that adults are trying to teach children when they tell them not to talk with food in their mouths is the ability to keep from spitting food all over the place or otherwise horrifying their dining companions). I sometimes send thank-you notes. I always thank my hosts if I can find them at the end of a social event. I don't discuss religion or politics when I'm visiting relatives or attending church. I don't usually insult you in your hearing. I used to say that I don't insult people by accident, but I've long since learned that I am not sophisticated enough to make that claim, nor mean enough to want to insult people on purpose most of the time.
Good manners are a formalized way to be kind to people in general. They won't always work; you won't know what strangers would prefer you to do. They work well enough, often enough. Good manners wielded in bad faith by an expert can also be used as vicious and subtle weapons, but I don't aspire to that degree of expertise.
And why am I mediating on good manners today? It's because Mitt Romney's concession speech last night displayed lovely manners. It reminded me of George H. W. Bush's concession speech in 1992.
