Seaweed

[kate_schaefer]

This past Saturday, I went to our regular fishmonger and bought a pint of pickled herring and a pint of seaweed salad, good ingredients for no-cooking summer meals. The seaweed salad was frozen, so I put it in the refrigerator to defrost at its leisure.

On Sunday, I took out the pickled herring and seaweed salad for lunch. I put a few pieces of pickled herring on a plate. I opened the seaweed salad container, noticing as I did so that the seaweed salad looked a bit darker than usual, and that it had a crumpled piece of cellophane under the lid, somewhat obscuring the salad itself. I took the piece of cellophane off and realized that I didn't have a pint of seaweed salad.

I had a pint of caviar.

I closed up the caviar and put it back in the refrigerator. The fishmonger is closed on Sunday, so there was nothing I could do about it right then. I cut up some tomatoes for lunch and thought about the caviar. Could they take it back after I'd opened it? Could I afford to pay the difference in price? I Bingled caviar prices and was glad I hadn't touched the caviar itself. Surely this must be the cheapest caviar; surely if it were really good caviar, it wouldn't have been stored in an unlabeled container. Should I say nothing and take it to a party?

I don't like caviar, I do like my fishmonger, and I prefer to think of myself as a relatively decent and honest human being, so this morning I called them and returned the caviar. They thanked me profusely. They gave me the seaweed salad I'd wanted in the first place and a bonus piece of smoked salmon. They told me the retail value of the caviar: over $500. Not the very cheapest caviar, then.

I'm really glad I don't much care for caviar.

Comments

[al-zorra.livejournal.com]

Now that's an anecdote! :)

Love, C. -- who also cares not at all, in fact dislikes, caviar.

[vgqn.livejournal.com]

That's an amazing story! Well done. One hopes they will label their caviar better in the future, eh? I do like caviar and must admit I would have been tempted to taste a wee bit, just to, um, be sure, you know.

I was at my favorite grocery store one Christmas, looking to buy a capon as a holiday treat, and it quickly became clear the capons were mismarked. I think they were supposed to be $5.99/lb, but instead were marked $.59/lb (someone missed punching in the final 9). I alerted the meat dept who quickly collected them all and remarked one of them for me. So no discount, but profuse thanks and a feeling of virtue. I wonder how many people got a bargain before me, though.

[replyhazy.livejournal.com]

To coin a phrase: "It comes in pints?"

[kate-schaefer.livejournal.com]

Yes, caviar is generally too salty for my taste, either too salty for the fish egg experience or too much like fish eggs for the salt experience.

[kate-schaefer.livejournal.com]

Yeah, usually that feeling of virtue is all you get for behaving in a virtuous manner, but every once in a while, there's smoked salmon or a story. This has been a most difficult week; having a pint of mystery fish eggs was a big improvement on all the previous surprises.

[kate-schaefer.livejournal.com]

Oh, oog. It does, but not the kind you drink.

[redbird]

More often a story than smoked salmon, so you did pretty well out of this one, I think. I'm also glad you got your seaweed salad in the end.

[orangemike.livejournal.com]

As a former employee of the state health inspectors, I'm surprised the fishmonger was able to take it back, rather than having to discard it. Or are the taboos/regulations/squeamishness levels less weak in your neck of the woods?

[kalimac.livejournal.com]

I'm wondering the same thing as orangemike - they can take it back? After it's opened?

I have no idea if I'd like caviar or not. I've never had a chance to try any. I did buy canned escargot once. It was probably of dreadful quality, and the cooking instructions on the can were logically impossible, so the fact that I found it inedibly revolting proves nothing.

[irontongue.livejournal.com]

Escargot are on the chewy side regardless of quality and preparation, so if you dislike that texture, you probably would have hated them.

I rather suspect that the pint was a bulk container from which smaller amounts would have been sold, because few people buy the stuff a pint at a time. So the fact that the caviar had been opened would have been less of an issue than how it had been stored. Seems as though it was refrigerated except in transit.

I love caviar and would have had to return the pint or pay for it.

[randy-byers.livejournal.com]

Mmmmm, seaweed salad. (Just had some at Chiso a couple of weeks ago.)

[kate-schaefer.livejournal.com]

Yes, I wondered about that too. I suspect that their caviar customers are few and well-known to them, and that they may call one and offer a great private deal in the circs. I'm well-known to them, too, having been their customer for more than 15 years. Can they trust me, even though I don't have a food-handler's license? Yes. Is it legal to trust me in these circumstances? Probably not. Do I trust them to make sure the caviar is disposed of in a safe way? Yes.

My biggest concern, actually, was to make sure that when they do an inventory of the freezer in which the caviar is normally stored, there is no discrepancy, no suspicion that one of their employees (all of whom I like and respect) had stolen the caviar. I don't much care what they do with the thing itself.

[kate-schaefer.livejournal.com]

I believe there's a difference between taking something back and reselling it. As I said to Mike, my biggest concern was that it not screw up their inventory of the freezer down the line.

I had canned escargot once, when I was a teenager. It was an inefficient medium for the transportation of garlic butter.

[kate-schaefer.livejournal.com]

I kept the caviar refrigerated even in transit, actually. Since it's an expensive food that I wouldn't normally buy, I treated it like an uninvited houseguest whom I did not wish to offend in any way.

[kate-schaefer.livejournal.com]

Thanks, me too. Seaweed salad: yummy trace minerals.

[kalimac.livejournal.com]

Bulk container - yes, that makes sense, considering, Kate lives in a nice neighborhood, but she'd have to be a couple miles to the east, or across the lake altogether, before she'd be among people likely to drop $500 at the fishmonger's for a retail pint of caviar.

[kate-schaefer.livejournal.com]

I suspect I have neighbors who might buy substantial quantities of caviar for parties, but they're not the neighbors I know well. They're the neighbors who live in monster houses built on the foundations of the adequate small craftsman houses that used to be there.

If someone had told me twenty years ago that I'd be one of the downscale inhabitants of a gentrifying neighborhood, I would have scoffed.

[kate-schaefer.livejournal.com]

I don't think I've been to Chiso yet. Too many sushi places in our neighborhood...

[randy-byers.livejournal.com]

Very true, although Kitaro was gutted by fire a few months ago, as you've probably noticed.

[frostfox.livejournal.com]

My mother once walked out of Rackhams food hall (an up market department store) and all the way home carrying a pack of bacon she had meant to take to the till.
She only realised when she was fumbling for her keys to get into my Gran's house.
She called the shop from Gran's (we didn't have a telephone, this was the late 70's or early 80's) and when the woman on the other end stopped laughing, she told Mum she was welcome to keep said porcine product.

FF

[kip-w.livejournal.com]

Holy beluga!

Not a caviar fan — it always reminded me of tapioca made with motor oil (an acquired taste). Tobiko nigiri, on the other hand, is just bursting with fishy goodness, as my friend Mike says.

[athenais.livejournal.com]

I like caviar. Anyway, it's a good story!

[kate-schaefer.livejournal.com]

Mmm. English bacon. Mmm.

[kate-schaefer.livejournal.com]

Those are all fun words to say: beluga, tapioca, tobiko nigiri. I prefer popping tapicoa pearls to popping little fish eggs.

[kate-schaefer.livejournal.com]

Yes, this story has been the most entertaining thing I've had going this week. Were it not for the caviar, I'd have to resort to cat videos to cheer myself up.

[apostle-of-eris.livejournal.com]

There was an epic restaurant in Chicago called The Bakery. (Just ask Steve Brust.)
During the time I had a roommate named Tony, who was a nice guy but an utter, utter Philistine, I had a thing going for a while with a woman named Doreen, who was a cook at The Bakery.
So one time I get home, and Tony says Doreen was by and she left me some ham salad or something. ok Eventually I get to the refrigerator and find that it's about a quart of pate de la maison from The Bakery.

[kate-schaefer.livejournal.com]

So, not ham salad, but chopped liver. I can never understand why chopped liver gets no respect.

I've sent you a coupla email requests for your mailing address, but haven't heard back, so I suspect I have the wrong email address. I'm kate at kateschaefer period com; please get in touch soon. Thanks.