Active dying

[kate_schaefer]

I've just had word that my friend Q is now in what the hospice staff call the process of active dying.

We've said goodbye. Closer friends are with her in this vigil. I probably won't go see her again. I don't think I could be in the room with another dying person right now without crying pretty hard, and it's hard on the dying to have crying people around them. This is a practical consideration, not an emotional one: crying can be contagious, like yawning or laughing, and it could make the dying person choke.

I always send to see for whom the bell tolls. Involved though I am with mankind, it matters to me which part of it I am losing at the moment. She always did, too.

Comments

[scarlettina.livejournal.com]

Oy. What a hellish couple of months. My thoughts are with you.

[wild-irises.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry.

[alces2.livejournal.com]

My sympathies to your friend and you.

[gerisullivan.livejournal.com]

Sympathy, Kate.

Grief sucks regardless, but when it hits one after another, well, all I know is that I'm still recovering from the pile-up of deaths of 4 loved ones between December 1998 and November 1999.

There are some practical considerations I wish we never had cause to become aware of. Good for you for doing the right thing on this one.

[tbclone47.livejournal.com]

Solace, Kate.

[holyoutlaw.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry to hear this. Good luck to you.

[dsgood.livejournal.com]

My sympathies.

[splinister.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry to hear about your friend - that's got to be tough. Best wishes.

[librarygrrl]

*hugs*

[ecmyers.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry, Kate. I imagine it must be as good to have a chance to say goodbye as it's upsetting to know you're about to lose her.

[lindadee.livejournal.com]

Hugs to you, Kate.

[carl-allery.livejournal.com]

So sorry. *hugs*

Condolences

[ladyjestocost.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry to heart this. My thoughts are with you.

[kate-schaefer.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Janna. Q died this morning.

It is oddly comforting to me to have this little stack of comments to come back to today.

[kate-schaefer.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Deb. It's hard to go through these deaths. I'm glad I got to spend time with you when you were up here.

[kate-schaefer.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Gary. I know you've had to go through grief recently, too.

[kate-schaefer.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Geri. That was a very rough period for you, as this is for me. I don't think anyone completely recovers from these hard times. We go on, we get better, we get some emotional scar tissue, we adapt, but we don't really recover. I still mourn for people I lost 25 and 35 years ago, though they don't show up in my dreams so often any more.

[kate-schaefer.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Patrick.

[kate-schaefer.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Luke. You've been a good shoulder.

[kate-schaefer.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Dan.

[kate-schaefer.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Maura.

[kate-schaefer.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Shandra.

[kate-schaefer.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Eugene. I'd already said goodbye. For this particular death, it was good to know that I should not visit any more, because Q wanted quiet for her last days.

[kate-schaefer.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Linda.

[kate-schaefer.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Charlie. I do so appreciate this medium of communication; I can see you and hear you in my head, even though you're across an ocean.

Re: Condolences

[kate-schaefer.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Margaret.