Active dying

[kate_schaefer]

I've just had word that my friend Q is now in what the hospice staff call the process of active dying.

We've said goodbye. Closer friends are with her in this vigil. I probably won't go see her again. I don't think I could be in the room with another dying person right now without crying pretty hard, and it's hard on the dying to have crying people around them. This is a practical consideration, not an emotional one: crying can be contagious, like yawning or laughing, and it could make the dying person choke.

I always send to see for whom the bell tolls. Involved though I am with mankind, it matters to me which part of it I am losing at the moment. She always did, too.

Comments

[gerisullivan.livejournal.com]

Sympathy, Kate.

Grief sucks regardless, but when it hits one after another, well, all I know is that I'm still recovering from the pile-up of deaths of 4 loved ones between December 1998 and November 1999.

There are some practical considerations I wish we never had cause to become aware of. Good for you for doing the right thing on this one.

[kate-schaefer.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Geri. That was a very rough period for you, as this is for me. I don't think anyone completely recovers from these hard times. We go on, we get better, we get some emotional scar tissue, we adapt, but we don't really recover. I still mourn for people I lost 25 and 35 years ago, though they don't show up in my dreams so often any more.